We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she told me i tasted like america
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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