I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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