He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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