We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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