Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
