We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize