Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
