I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
