My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
