Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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