what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
