so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
