all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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