How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
