Umm I'm too high to move.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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