I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
