I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
