So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
