I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
