my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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