he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
