you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
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