You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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