Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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