So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And then my night got REAL pukey
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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