just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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