I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
