I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Vodka?
Forever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
