bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
