I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
