I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
