waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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