I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
