Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
