so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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