my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize