Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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