Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
