Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
