i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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