Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You pole danced in your parka.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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