peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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