The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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