I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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