Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
