He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
