I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
