If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
