So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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