I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
