we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
