he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
