btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
