I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
