My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
