Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
