I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
