When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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