:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
