I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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