So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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