Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this boner is exhausting
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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