We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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