I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
