I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
