I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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