Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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