Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
