she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
