Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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