As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
