I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
