I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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