I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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